The Delusion of Unworthiness

The measurement of worth in sports, academics and most professional roles consists of  a combination of quantitative and qualitative variables. However, the value of clothing, jewels, coins/money, relies not on  properties but rather the value agreed upon by the powers that be. Who is to say the blouse you got at Old Navy is more valuable than the blouse you bought at Chico’s when it’s made of the same material?  “A picture is worth a thousand words”....really? Why not 100 or 10,000? I’ve seen a lot of pictures worth only a “nice picture” which is  only two words. Subjectivity reigns in this material realm of society. 

However, as human beings, many (if not all) subconsciously value themselves based on standards which once established through observation have now become an internalized expectation. Am I worthy of love if I am Autistic or have a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder? And if I am, I will have to work harder to earn that love. This may seem like a very ridiculous example because as you read this, you think “of course everybody is worthy of love”.  The truth is that these belief systems are a culmination of our experiences and what is subjectively valued. If we attribute our identity to anything subjective above the value we place on intrinsic traits as a human, we will ultimately experience suffering (despite the necessary nature of suffering in the human experience). Perhaps this is why many people, after close examination in counseling sessions, have the epiphany “I don’t NEED to suffer to be worthy!”

Love is a universal construct that crosses gender/sex/culture and although not always used as a measurement for interpersonal relationships: it is understood. I would argue that in order to be content and peaceful in our lives, worth needs de-”construct”ed .  However, it may be important to note that one may value productivity, certain parenting approaches or cleanliness as a measure of self-worth, but only through self-examination can we decide whether this value is ours. We may benefit from  processing the effects of outside influences throughout childhood experience and possible traumatic events leading to this inaccurate measurement of self worth. When these efforts to meet values exceed one’s peace and intrinsic value, we are not truly embodying or feeling the positive cognition “I am worthy”, we are only understanding it rationally.

Homework from a counselor with this opinion: 
Where in your values do you feel unaligned with how you live your life? Is the value yours or someone else’s? Discuss amongst yourself with a pen.